Whilst there might sometimes be a need for heated, vigorous debates and even arguments, these are not always necessarily constructive (not even in parliament!).
There are times when a measured and calmer engagement is more appropriate.
Unfortunately there is no way of telling at any given time, how an interaction could end up. Some of the interactions that end up as debates or arguments usually start off well as genuine engagements, with good intentions from all parties involved. Usually the challenge begins when an individual who entered into a discussion in a state of calmness fails to maintain that position, and end up being side-tracked by the behaviour of other less caring parties (usually those with not much to lose!).
So, what exactly is ‘calmness’? According to Wikipedia “Calmness is the mental state of peace of mind; being free from agitation, excitement, or disturbance”. It also refers to “being in a state of serenity, tranquillity or peace”.
How does one maintain calmness in the face of stormy and fierce opposition?
The best way to maintain calmness, as I have summed up below, is to ADJUST one’s temperament and maintain one’s composer, whilst paying full attention to the outcome.
By ADJUST I mean refraining from Arguments; Defences; Justifications; Ultimatums; Stress; and Tempers.
Let us have a brief look at these six enemies of calmness, which I have appropriately given the acronym ADJUST:
Sometimes winning an argument is just that, and nothing more. It does not necessarily guarantee a desired outcome. Try to stay away from arguments and rather focus on the outcome.
Unfortunately defences could be more than just about defending; they could include attacking. Once you get into a defensive mode you are bound to start attacking, and before you realize it, it’s a full scale fight!
Justifications are also like another form of defence. Stop justifying yourself. If you have made a mistake own up and move on.
The moment you start giving ultimatums to others or vice versa the situation turns into one of manipulation and power play. Refrain from giving ultimatums.
Avoid stressful situations which could trigger negative reactions during interactions. Also, find ways of managing stress that works best for you. Breathing and slowing down a bit to gain composure could go a long way.
Control your temper, don’t lose it during interactions with others. Rather go to the gym afterwards and square up with a punch bag; it does not hit back!
At Potential Exponents we help you to ADJUST and embrace ‘calmness’ as a better alternative in all your interactions.
Book for your free assessment coaching session, and let the journey begin (083 628 3428 or firstname.lastname@example.org).
Shoni Khangala – Certified Inner Life Skills Master Coach
Founder and CEO: Potential Exponents
“Calmness is the cradle of power” – JG Holland